Letting Go

I am finally letting go of Gerard. I'm fine now, I guess. As one of my lightwork family puts it hardest part is walking away. We both know it's not working out, we fight all the time. The first three months was bliss but you can't stay in a relationship on the basis of the past in hope that it will be like that again in the near future.

Of course it hard! It's doubly harder that I'm here alone in Palawan - no friends, no pot, no alcohol (i can if I chose too but after cleansing I can't imagine dumping poison again). I have taken up on smoking again though, but I'm limiting it to three - four sticks a day. I think I'll be nice to myself this week and not judge me for smoking. Just for this week, transition period is not easy. Shouldn't feel bad that I can't go completely cold turkey.

But then again maybe it's perfect that I am in Palawan. If I'm in Cebu I'll find myself begging in my knees to take me back again,

"Begin setting the example not by words but by action.
Claiming your own individual sovereignty is the first step on the long journey that awaits.
There is no Hope for the servant or the slave.
Remain on your knees... it ends here.
Stand up on your feet... the journey begins."

Or if I'm in Manila I will be smoking my lungs off or drinking myself to oblivion to cope. I'm fine here, I have my coconuts and my bike and the beach and the fresh air. And yeah the cat too though lately she is being such a pain in the ass really (i'm sorry Crystal, I love you in my own little way)

I'm happy. I know that I am in the stage in my life where I have to be alone. I have come along way since I woke up a year and a half ago. I would say 70% of my physical, emotional and mental vessel has been cleared up. I have erased my past, I have flushed out the major toxins that's been plaguing me for years. I have come to let go of all attachment. I have tasted real freedom and I plan to savor this my whole lifetime. I have everything I need to do my first love - writing and bringing the world inside me alive.

I look around me and I feel an immense gratitude to the Universe for bringing me here at this point in time at this place. I love Palawan, I love being able to live simply, I love having so much time for myself. This is the time for me to focus on my self. To fall in love deeply deeply and uncoditionally with myself.

I plan to focus on cleansing for the nest six months. I have been here for a month already and each month I will focus on clearing one chakra at a time. November is all about connecting with my roots and trusting that the universe will provide me abundance. I can see it's effect on me now, the first step was letting go of the fear of losing my material possessions by letting it go. Realizing that it's all illusion and the only reality is within.

I'm looking forward to writing a lot too! :)