That's it for me when it comes to the corporate world. No more desk jobs, no more rat race, no more mind deadening task turning me into a mindless machine.
I am creative and I will create. I will dig deep into my soul for stories that will heal me, and maybe in the process touch a heart or two out there. I will open my consciousness to catch high level of thoughts and write it. Words are the first stage of manifestation, and words are my tool in bringing the golden age.
For changes will not come from heavens or sprung forth from the earth below. We are the change. We are changing in all levels of ourselves. Humanity is evolving and this we can no longer deny. Thousands of years of war, of greed and of fear, our mass consciousness is shouting enough! We are evolving, our DNA activating, like thousands of species before us. However dense we are or buried we are into the material consciousness there is a tiny spark of light within all of us saying this is not what life is supposed to be.
Live the dream. Live your dream. For truly you create your own reality. This is your Universe and you are it's Creator, fill it with beauty and light.
I have been cleansing the whole week. Was mostly alone at home, in a semi vow of silence, doing self healing and meditation. A lot of things resurface from my past, and some fears for the future.
I have been consciously carrying a lot of baggage from childhood that needs to be released. And now I could really feel it lifted up. It dawned on me I chose all those to lead me where I am now. Before I would often wish I have a normal family, now I wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't have me any other way.
I learn that the first step for forgiveness is forgiving oneself. To stop the self blame because no one is at fault. In fact there is no right or wrong. There is just a path you choose and that was my choice. Because I know it will lead me to the path where I am now.
And with forgiveness comes self-love I guess. One of the major sicknesses of my personality is insecurity, a feeling of unworthiness. That has plagued me for years, but lately I have not been feeling ill at all. I'll catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I'll actually think, ‘hey that person is a nice person. She's actually beautiful. The most beautiful thing about her is she is healing and transforming herself.’ :) Sometimes a little pat in the back from you is all that yourself needs.
I think I am losing my hold on the material world. I am still grounded and sane (I think), my goals are just shifting from creating outside to creating within. Each day I become more and more trustful of the universe abundance. I quit my corporate job a month ago and am now doing work with two community service org, marketing my boyfriend's business, doing loads of spiritual work, learning meditation and yoga, and writing the sacred script. I have more than enough to sustain me and do all this lightwork with ease and grace and for that I am immensely grateful.
I have been on this path consciously for a year now and this website has been a great help on my awakening, you are all my teachers and I thank you for that. This really feels like home to me. I think internet is a dimension of it own, and in this dimension you are my family. Thank you for the love, light and wisdom you throw at me each day. During the lowest points of my releasing stage, it's your light that sustained me through those times.
A few days ago I met a teacher. I was alone at home for four days and a lot of blockages are being released. I was fearful of what I can do to myself so I seek a monk a friend told me about. Talking to Dada really answered a lot of my doubts and questions. The foremost of which is: 'Am I going Insane?'. To which dada answered, 'no you are just waking up'. Somehow I needed that affirmation and his was enough to wake me up into this reality.
Dada told me that one must have a goal, or one just floats like a leaf. And one goal could be self realization and service for others. Those two hold true for me. I am at this point now where sole concern is not about - in Pi's words - 'making money and taking up space'. The more I think about it, the more I realized that having solely material goal is like being in a cage. The more you have , the more you want. Because the material is finite and our spirit's nature is to seek the infinite. Infinity can only be found within.
But again, there is no judgment on those who choose to create in the material world. Before I would wonder why my boyfriend is so dense. Before I would wish he could be more spiritual, but the past days it dawned on me it’s not about the path you choose. It’s about the enjoyment one feels in each moment of the journey. And I am just happy to see that he is enjoying his material creations and he inspires me to feel the same towards my lightwork.
I feel a lot more free now. That must be the reason why I am finding myself more and more in the moment. Anything I do, I remember I am doing it because I want to not because of some pay off in the future. I am writing this blog because I am filled with so much gratitude and love and I just want to throw some at you. I'm cleaning up our home (a job I would normally not enjoy) because it mirrors the cleansing happening inside me. Enjoy is to joy as enlightenment is to light.
Pi reminded me again about the concept of judgment and duality. The past week, I was thrown between two paths and I felt that I have to pick one soon. He reminded me there is no right or wrong path. There is just your chosen path, a way for the spirit to experience the physical world. That's all I needed and everything is now clear to me. And the funny thing is, I was so clouded by my thoughts once it all cleared up I realized the path is one.
I am learning that enlightenment is not a destination but a journey. I plan to dance through this.
