Spring

OK. I promise from here on I'm gonna blog everyday. So many great things are happening and it is a pity I never find time to write it down. My blogs have been my map throughout all my years of transformation, and now that I am arriving at that place I have dreamed of, then the more reason I should be documenting it all.

I've been in Bohol exactly 22 days now and wow this has been the best 22 days of my life. I have never felt this happy. love.peace. Though I had a little nervous breakdown a few days ago because of stress from work - both bread and butter and lightwork - I'm able to find my center again, thanks to my teachers and the spirits.

My home here is a paradise. I have always dream of having a secret garden and finally I have found mine. I really have no words to describe it, it's labyrinths and labyrinths of beautiful spaces. Everyday I am discovering a new space I didn't even know was there. I am talking to the plants everyday and I think they are starting to like me. I promise them that I will be their stewardess.

Last 3.20 Spring Equinox, I and the kids held a festivity at the Fairy Ring Garden. I talked to the spirits the night before and told them of the planned gathering, I think they really prepared for it there was so many of them that night. The kids had an amazing time and so did I. We did a ritual on letting go, forgiveness and gratitude. I really had fun, first time for me to 'party' without any intoxicating/illegal substance, just riding on pure joy, love and laughter.

Pi said I should keep a certain distance from my students so that they don't get too attached to me. Looks like I am the one who is getting attached to them! They are healing me. I feel like a kid again :) Well I am a kid



I went to the Butterfly Garden the last Thursday with my two housemates, Jaime and Jonathan, they're 17 yo and reminds me a lot of my younger brother whom I miss so. We were walking around the garden as the guide explain to us how a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly. Then it dawned on me, I am transforming into a butterfly everyday. I feel lighter and lighter and i could feel my wings popping out everyday. (a little trivia : a butterfly's pupa is callled a crystalae)

Then we had lunch and I found myself talking to the boys about the universe, and consciousness and the planet being alive, and raw food and working online etc. And I am seeing my eyes back when I was nineteen listening to my teacher PI staring back at me.

I think I am transforming into a teacher. I am discovering that when you teach, it doesn't matter if you know what to do or what to say, when you actually are in the moment something will take holds of you and you will talk and you will guide and all this wisdom will start pouring in. Thoughts that you never really have thought of before till that moment.



Today, I hanged out with Kem, Erecson's (my best buddy here) 10 year old niece. It's the first for me t take care of a child for a whole day and i would have to say it's a great experience! I am realizing stuff about me I didn't know I am capable of. Say, when we were watching Princess Diaries I was worried she would get attached with the 'materialism' message of the movie so after watching I thought her meditation (kiddie version) and we talked about the film. We discussed that being a princess is not about the cars or the makeup or the dresses but it is having a good heart.

OMG! If any of my friends from two - three years ago would hear me say that they would drop dead. God I have really changed from that MANGO-girl-shop-till-you-drop-heartless-prima-donna who would easily spend 50,000 pesos on a shopping spree and date 3 guys in one night to ...... me now. :)

Don't get me wrong I love clothes but now it's not so much with the labels for me, I buy clothes in vintage shops (yup and to think I would look down on people before who would wear vintage clothes!) and it so darn cheap and it so fun whenever I find a wonderful piece. I don't miss my apartment in the city (after seeing this, there is no way I can live in a condominium building again or the city for that matter), I don miss being chauffered around (what and dump Chucker? No way this one is a keeper!) As for the guys, that so five years ago. :) The thought of going out on a date now bores me. He has to be a super special guy and it has to be a super extraordinary date, say, biking around the woods, having a raw food picnic then watching the starts.

I'm planning on connecting with the devas a lot the next few months. I think my path is with them - herb medicine woman?Afterall my mayan calendar says I am the keeper of the Earth.

I really think I am spending too much time online. I am taking a little distance from S. It's just that this is my first time to be alone after 5-6 years of being in relationships and I just want to enjoy my space. Though virtual, he is in my space a lot and I just want to concentrate on healing and loving myself more. Plus he came just right after I and Gerard broke up, I really don't want to be jumping from one love to another. Who knows maybe I am just in a rebound right?

Plus I am starting to feel that we are not really headed on the same path. He is a city party boy who's more into social spirituality. I'm not so keen on that anymore, though I really would love to connect with like minded people from all over the world I just don't like the scene of dressing up again and putting make up on etc etc. We were talking online about clothes the other day and he said he really doesn't mind spending hundred of dollars for clothes that makes him feel good. That just doesn't resonate with me anymore. I can put a college kid for a year for the same amount. Maybe it's his city but lately I am feeling that yeah maybe the mother is right, he is not what I thought he is.

Haay so we are back to the drawing boards then. So my dream guy would be someone who looks like S, someone as smart, someone as funny, someone as sweet minus the snobbishness (he is a music and weed snob), minus the polyamory (i don't want a monogamous relationship but I really think I am capable of devoting and loving one guy, if not one lifetime, at least for a long time. I still haven't given up on that!) and someone who wants to walk the essence path with me- going back to nature, community work, raw food, backpacking around the world, wilderness, spirtuality, simple living.

And yeah someone who can climb coconut trees.



But not yet I am so enjoying my single hood at the moment so I hope he doesn't manifest soon (maybe by 2010?)

And you know what I am realizing now that I am single? Being single is waaay fun! The next relationship I will have, I don think I would be as paranoid or jealous or attached like I was in my past. My mindset now is, if it you abandon me, if it doesn't work, who cares,? I am having such a blast being on my own anyway!

Ha! I love being a girl!